Lesson Yearned

by Ken Van Vechten

You’re gonna see Heller tomorrow? Good luck.”

Heavens, that sounds like an epitaph. Should a guy chuckle at the end of such a homily?
All-world instructor Mike LaBauve is gamely trying to separate the more egregious from the lesser of my varied swing sins. I’m attentive, dare I say rapt; opportunities like this are as rare as double eagles. Yet for the life of me he has me thinking as much about this Heller guy as the best intent/worst effect grab bag of goodies I’ve picked up through years of golf schools and those damnable self-help golf magazines.

What’s with Heller?

I’m in the middle of a unique-for-most-of-us golf getaway adventure at the Westin Kierland Resort & Spa. Of course the place is set up for golf, vacation and relaxation, so I’m sleeping like a king and eating even better; I spa daily and then hit the lazy river; and I have at my disposal two beer-happy watering holes and three nines. The added twist on it all is what Kierland can do for your game. Those really are best-of-the-trade instructors — LaBauve’s teaching cohort and wife Sandy is held in the same acclaim as Mike by those who hand out such accolades — at the far end of the range. That’s a real McCoy launch monitor and fitting professionals on the near end of the range. And you can break a sweat in the name of long-life and more birdies.

I’m Not 20 Anymore

“Hi, Ken, I’m Steve Heller. Glad to have you here.”

What? Where’re the thumbscrews?
The woman to my left could be 80, looks 40 and has the bounce of Baby Roo. The woman behind me is young, attractive and fit, and in doing the splits and touching her chin to the floor simultaneously makes me realize that withholding chorizo from the morning omelet is not in and of itself a healthy lifestyle alternative.

A tall guy built a bit like Vijay doesn’t even seem to notice her; guess it’s patently obvious why he’s here. Two my-age couples offer encouraging thumbs up, and I must say props for the act of tying your shoes while not breaking into heavy breathing is always a nice thing early in the morning.

My intro to Kierland’s distinctive spin on the complete golf package brings me to fore-max, the domain of Steve Heller, the resort’s fitness director. fore-max is a golf training program that emphasizes flexibility, core strength and aerobic conditioning. Most of my mat mates are regular participants. They know the routine — some of which is tailored to each individual’s needs — yet Heller provides the requisite prompting.

I plop on the floor; it’s time to stretch. Pop. Sweat. Groan. Repeat.

I flop on a big blue ball; it’s time to work some of those core muscles. Reach. Sweat. Groan. Repeat.

I do things I really can’t do, and the old adage about finding muscles I never knew I had rings true, and I don’t get much beyond the warmup stuff during my 50 minutes of exertion.

I’d like to say I held my own, but let’s be honest, I’m not in fine college trim these days. And as hindsight would have it, I could barely move the next morn. If this sounds defeatist, it’s not. I come away with something other than an acute need for Ibuprofen, doubtless what Heller had in mind — the epiphany part, not the drug part — and that was a little glimpse into what it means when we hear about the big boys on Tour embracing Pilates as a post-round intoxicant rather than a single malt over two cubes.

Resort guests are welcome to participate in the organized sessions, and I suggest some one-on-one time with Heller for those who want to work his program — tweaked for their needs — back in the world. (Truth be known, by the time you read this I’ll have been working my new regimen for six weeks. Thanks for the nudge, Steve.)

Other Ways to Be Fit
“You saw Heller today? Hope you had a light breakfast.”

Everyone’s a comedian in this place.

Tom McGuire greets me with a big handshake and what’s starting to sound like a common refrain. While I was holding on to my breakfast this morning, McGuire was back in his Laboratory of MOI giving my clubs the once over. He nailed the custom length and lie adjustments spot on, and I just accept the frequency ratings on the woods’ shafts; even I’m not that anal about my sticks.

McGuire and Mark Brown run profit golf, where launch monitor, green grass and the equivalent of several Tour vans full of clubs come together. The process is one to which all of us can relate — pound balls — while the CalTech-grade machinery measures launch angle, spin rate, dispersion, carry and roll. For the ego-fragile who talk big but just can’t seem to hit that “on a typical day” 275-yard average drive when witnesses are present, the computer-generated data might just be too truthful, so forewarned is forearmed.

Out the chute, the numbers show I launch the ball too low with way too much spin, and those problems are exacerbated by my driver-shaft combo; profit fits all through the bag, but I’m in specifically for a driver tweak. If Albert Einstein could phone in, he’d say that means I’m leaving a lot of yardage on the tee.

On the positive side of the ledger, my swing speed is consistently above 100 mph and my efficiency is right at the enviable-for-a-13-handicapper 150 percent mark.

As McGuire monitors the numbers, Brown hands me driver after driver with a kid-in-the-candy store array of brand, model, loft and shaft combinations. Brown has a good game and an intuitive eye and senses at about the same time as the machinery where I should be heading, equipment-wise.

When it all falls out, a couple heads (HiBore, FT-3) with a heavier-than-usual (80-gram), beefier shaft (Mitsubishi Diamana Blue Board) in X-flex can withstand the onslaught of my up-tempo swing and give the 13-plus-degree launch and just-under 3,000 rpm spin rate needed, and a 23-yard overall gain in yardage as compared to my driver is the result. Oh, and the big hooks are toast, too.

Coincidentally, I learn that my hybrid shafts are too light and too weak, my fairway wood shaft is too light and too strong, I have loft gaps, and my irons, owing to a much needed change in stance, hand position and takeaway courtesy of LaBauve, need to be flattened out from their 3 degrees up orientation.

About the only thing profit can’t do is help me explain to my wife why everything I own save the putter needs to be replaced, reshafted or reconfigured.

If there’s a highlight for me at a place that’s a highlight reel, it’s profit. I’m a gearhead, and at Kierland all gearheads can set an appointment to indulge the passion with a purpose because McGuire just happens to be a member of the PGA of America.

And since we all only drive for show, let ’em have a look at what else you brought.

But What About the Golf?

"So, you met Heller. You’re still walking That’s something.”

Is anything a secret around here?

Kierland Head Golf Professional Ryan Eckroat pulls my Segway to a stop, hops off and gives me a pat me on the back — metaphorically, and for that I’m glad. I’m becoming quite a legend around here, but I honestly don’t think it’s for my hard-as-nails toughness.

I’ve played Kierland several times now, and each round moves it up and up and up the scale. Troon Golf management never hurts and Scott Miller of We-Ko-Pa (Cholla), and Coeur D’Alene fame handled the design. The course’s three nines — Acacia, Ironwood, Mesquite — are atypical for the Valley of the Sun. It’s of the modern generation so there’s none of the Midwest-in-the-desert effect with wall-to-wall green and a canopy of trees. There’s desert flora and waste areas, yet little of the grass-or-else target aesthetic of a Troon North. Take away the dramatic elevation changes of Miller’s Eagle Mountain course off to the east and you have Kierland. It’s a place for resort play and the lack of Trail of Tears-length forced carries, judicious use of water and meaningful separations between the tips and what would be considered the “blue” tees (nearly 7,000 yards for the former and 6,300-and-change for the gold-hued Championship markers) helps keep skill-overestimating Cro-Magnons from unduly clogging up the works. A good amount of desert was moved to create ridges between parallel holes, providing visual definition and further helping the aberrant.

If put on the spot, the Ironwood-Acacia pairing gets my vote, and I say play it back if you have any game as the 3-pars are particularly strong when stretched. And let’s give a big tip of the cap to Miller for putting on each nine one par 5 that is within range for most anyone playing from the ability-appropriate tees.

I can’t say I threatened the course record. But out under that glorious Arizona sun, within a garden of golf set smack dab in the middle of a city rich in art and food and shopping, with a comely resort at my back, I realize that I’m pretty good at this game in spite of myself … and my swing … and my equipment. And when I get home, it’s hello Golfsmith and then on over to my teaching pro with a copy of the CD LaBauve shot and the admonition, “Help me do this.”

Or maybe I’ll make those the second and third things I do. I gotta get out of traction first. FG

Westin Kierland Resort
www.kierlandresort.com

THE GOLF
Tee Times: 480.922.9283

Par: 72 Yardage: About 6,900 yards from any configuration of three nines (Acacia, Ironwood and Mesquite)
Rates: $75 twilight rate to $199 for 18 holes through May 1, including cart and range balls.
“Way” of the Future: The Westin Kierland is the only resort in the U.S. offering the option to play golf on the high-tech hip device – Segway GT. The Segway can self-balance using a technology called dynamic stabilization, which works in the same way our own sense of balance does. Using gyroscope technology, microprocessors and electric balancing motors, the two-wheeled Segways are offered as an upgrade to the traditional golf cart. The Westin Kierland has custom designed its Segways to hold score and yardage cards, tees, golf balls and drinks.

THE LODGING
Rates: Call for the latest package specials or group rates. The “Golf with Breakfast” package includes one-night stay, breakfast for two and two rounds of golf. Rate starts at $709 per night for stays through May 24.
Choices, Choices: 732 spacious guest ooms, including 55 suites and 32 casita units. All rooms have a private balony or terrace and are smoke-free. Want more to write home about? Check out the indulgent and decadent Heavenly Bath and Heavenly Bed.

THE FOOD
Led by European-trained Executive Chef Anton Brunbauer, the Westin Kierland provides eight unique dining experiences for guests to delight in, including gourmet showcase desco, Nellie Cashman’s Monday Club Cafe, Brittlebrush Bar & Gril, The Rim, Edie’s Range House and Waltz & Weiser. It’s one of the most variety-packed lineups in a city known for adventurous chow.